RADICAL FAITH

There have been times in my life where every breath was an act of faith. Dark times, when I feared what the next phone call would bring. Sad times, when I had to say goodbye to souls who anchored my life.

  

But God was always there.

Even when I didn't want what He wanted, still He was with me... holding my hand, shaking His head at my pitiful faith, laughing at the notion that it's all about me.

I adore Him, this God of mine. Even when He's annoying and starts poking his heavenly nose into my worldly business... slamming doors that I've tried to pry open, taking me out of my comfort zone.  Even then, I love Him so.

And Jesus loves me, too.  This I know.  He loves me. Abundantly.

Everything I know about love, God has taught me... through my family, my parents, my brothers, my sons, my friends, my patients, even through the homeless guy begging for money outside the post office.

But I've learned the best love lessons of all have come from my grandbabies.

There is nothing like Grandbaby Love.  Grandbaby Love is love on crack.

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I was in the middle of the Caribbean when I got a text from my oldest son, telling me he had been accepted to missionary training school in Mexico.

It wasn't a huge surprise... he's been heading in this direction for years. He was so excited to share the news that I couldn't help but be happy for him.

Caught up in the excitement, it took me a moment to realize my Grandbabies would be moving to Mexico with him!  Oh, Noooooooo!!!

I'm not gonna lie, I ugly cried.  I couldn't stand to think about spending days and weeks without these precious lights of  joy and goodness running in and out of my home.

Still, I tried to be supportive:

I was feeling ALL the feels. Humbled by their courage. Proud of their faithfulness. Excited to imagine their future. Swamped by sadness at the thought of being so far away from my babies. The only thing I knew for sure was that all of our lives were about to change.

The other grandmother and I briefly considered hiring a crooked lawyer and suing for custody...

And then, I got a text from my brother. (I don't know about you guys, but God always speaks to me through my brothers. If you don't hear God speaking to you through your siblings, then you're not listening. He also speaks to me through my music boxes, but that's another story.) Kelly wanted to share a new song with me, as he often does. The song he shared was Trust In You by Lauren Daigle. This is the verse that got me good:

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings,

There’s not a day ahead You have not seen.

So, in all things be my life and breath,

I want what You want Lord and nothing less.

I want what you want, Lord.

Boom.

Straight to the heart.

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It was pretty clear that God wanted my son and his family in Mexico.

I knew the call from God hadn't happened overnight. I knew He had been preparing my son and his wife for years.

Thinking back, I believe Lucas began to feel God's call while attending grad school. Though I doubt he fully understood it or could attempt to explain it, neither could he deny it.

Ten years ago, just to pass the time during a 45-minute commute to school, he taught himself to speak Spanish fluently.

Soon after graduating, Lucas opened an optometry clinic in a primarily Hispanic neighborhood so that he would be able to utilize his Spanish-speaking skills.

The name he chose for his clinic...?

OJO... Spanish for 'eye'.

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I also thought of all the years his angel wife, Cassie, has devoted to teaching and ministering to inner city children... the pre-dawn trips to deliver babies during her midwifery training.

As a team, my son and his wife have skill sets that would rival MacGyver and Wonder Woman.  Undoubtedly, God will use them in wonderful and marvelous ways. They are extraordinarily equipped for this journey.

But dang it, why did they have to take my babies away???

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Last week while in prayer and meditation, a memory popped in my head.  It was of a conversation between my grandson Matthew and I when he was about three years old. I had asked him if he knew what he wanted to be when he grew up.  His answer astounded me...

"I'm gonna go all over the world and collect all the little kids who don't have a mommy or a daddy and I'm gonna build 'em an orphanage and take care of them."

Boom. Once again. 

Finally, I got it. This is not about me. It has never been about me. Except for the understanding that my greatest contribution to God's kingdom may not be something I DID, but rather someone I raised. Or perhaps even... someone THEY are raising.

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I'm not gonna lie. It's been difficult to watch them sell or give away almost everything they own. Literally. Just like Jesus tells us to do in the Bible. In red letters.

I understand having a desire to change the world, wanting to make it a better place. I can only conclude that there are 'degrees' of World Changers. Clearly, I am not as high on the World Changer Scale as is my son and his wife. In fact, I would say that on a scale of 'Kim Kardashian' to 'Mother Teresa', I'm somewhere in the 'Evita' range. You remember Evita... she was a good woman who really loved her shoes.  Not unlike myself.  We're all called in different ways.  So, don't cry for me Argentina---God isn't making me empty out my closet. Not yet, anyway..

I finally decided that the decisions being made by my son and his wife were not so much an enormous life-changing gamble...

...but the most radical act of faith I have ever witnessed..

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The Dickman and I didn't raise our son to be a missionary. We raised him to be obedient to God.

Extraordinary moves of God begin with ordinary acts of obedience.

And isn't it ironical that my God is using my son---the eye doctor---to teach me the true meaning of walking by faith, not by sight... teaching me to want what God wants.

Radical Faith. Indeed.