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“To affirm a person is to see the good in them that they cannot see in themselves and to repeat it in spite of appearances to the contrary."
~ Brennan Manning ~
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I believe strongly in affirmations. They are the foundation of my upbringing. Even before I knew such a word existed, my family was
affirming me through every stage of life with their abundant love.
And now that I am a MiMi, it is inherent in my duties to convince my grandchildren that they are
freaking awesome. My highest calling is to encourage the crap out of those
little nuggets of goodness. To convince them that God loves them beyond anything they could imagine.
Every chance I get, I pull
one of them into my arms for a sweaty hug and whisper in their ear:
“Do you know how much I love you? You
are a such a gift. You can do
amazing things.”
So far, I think it's working. At least with my two-year old grandson, who seems convinced that his poop does not stink...
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I stood in the doorway as the tow-headed tornado ran towards me with arms
outstretched, big blue eyes shooting sparks of excitement.
“I am wearing Big Boy
Underwears, Mimi!! Do you wanna see them?? And you know what else?? If I tee-tee in YOUR potty my Mommy will give
me a STICKER!!”.
"Oh, Michael... I am SO proud of
you! I can't wait for you to tee-tee in my potty! You can even poop
in my potty! Do you get TWO stickers for pooping??”
“Yeeesssss!! I get TWO stickers for
pooping!!! But I don't need to poop anymore.” And he ran past me into the
house.
“He's right," his Mom agreed. "He definitely does not need
to poop. Just before we got in the car, he pooped in the driveway. In our driveway. In
front of God and the neighbors.”
“Oooooh I see.” I said, trying
my very best not to bust out laughing.
In his favor, Michael did seem to be a bit remorseful. He shrugged his little shoulders and said, "You don't get ANY stickers if you poop in the driveway, MiMi.”
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I will concede that potty training may be the one area in which stickers are more
powerful than affirmations.
But as a general rule, children soak up
affirmations like a sponge. And here is why: Children have no preconceived notions about themselves. They are simply little humans... being. Not only do they believe in
superheroes, they ARE superheroes.
My hope is that the
positive thoughts I whisper to them will
become embedded somewhere deep inside their soul. And someday, when
the world swoops into their young lives threatening to crush their spirit and steal
their joy, I pray those affirmations will become the armor they need to protect and reinforce their value and worth.
It saddens me to know that not
every child is so lucky. Not every child is overvalued.
Some children are born into
battlefields and pummeled by shrapnel from broken adults. They never hear words of love and affirmation and they grow up with a damaged self-esteem and their precious souls wounded.
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I stood outside in the wind, secretly hoping my hesitant knock would not be answered. The door opened slowly and a wrinkled face peeked through the crack. The disabled woman looked me up and down, then maneuvered her wheelchair
out of the way and waved me into her tiny home.
“Well. I guess we'll try this
again...” I said with a fake smile.
“Ha! They made me promise to
cooperate with you.” she replied, with no small amount of
animosity.
My last visit to her home had ended in an unsuccessful attempt to evaluate her for physical therapy. Her needs
were obvious. Her demeanor had been nothing short of rude.
“I don't
need nobody coming here and messing with me. I'm just fine the way I
am!” She had informed me, loudly. “I haven't walked in years and I
sure as heck ain't gonna start trying now.”
I politely acknowledged
her right to refuse therapy and had quickly left without further ado.
A few days later, I received a call informing me the patient's family had "convinced"
her to participate in therapy. I was, shall we say... vocal about
my reluctance to see her again. “Why should we waste our time and
resources on someone who has no desire to be helped?
Besides, she's just mean. And her dog kept trying to sniff my crotch.”
In spite of my whining, the Powers That Be "convinced" me
to give the grumpy old woman another chance. I had absolutely no expectations for a
positive outcome. In fact, I was secretly looking forward to saying, "I told you so!" when she proved to be a pain in the butt.
So there I sat -- once again -- across a cluttered dining table from Little Miss Sunshine. I silently
gathered my self-righteous judgement around me like a cloak, while expending minimal effort to connect with her on a personal level.
And then...
She began to tell me Her Story... how she had
gotten married in her teens and had given birth to 7 children in 10
years. “I got married to escape the cotton fields.” She
explained. “And to escape my stepdaddy.”
“He was mean when he drank. One day
he came home and took after me with a chain. He beat my legs into
bloody pulps, then sent me out to the cotton fields for work. I had to
have surgery on my legs and they just never healed back right.
That's why I didn't want you messing with me. Every time
someone messes with me, it hurts.”
I literally couldn't swallow. I ducked my head and pretended to focus on my paperwork,
all the while blinking away tears before they spilled from my eyes.
I suspected the very last thing she wanted from me
was sympathy.
By the end of the evaluation, this wounded woman had unwittedly gained possession of my sappy, bleeding heart.
As I got up to leave, she reached out to shake my hand. I held on
tight and knelt down before her, surrounded by the tattered shreds of
my righteousness and judgement that had fallen to the floor.
“It is my honor to know you. I truly believe God brought us together for a
purpose. My purpose is to help you get stronger, without causing you
any more pain. Your purpose was to inspire me to be braver and kinder than I ever thought I could be. I am so sorry
for your suffering and abuse. But I want you to
know this: You are a blessing. You bless me.”
Her face lit up with a
snaggle-toothed smile that I will carry forever in my heart.
I cringe when I think of how close I came to missing a second chance with this remarkable person of courage. What if I had missed the opportunity to offer healing words of love, to be humbled by her story?
I pray my words provided just a bit of balm to the wounds that had been inflicted on her soul. I pray I will never again hesitate outside the door while someone waits inside for my affirmation.
Folks, we are brought together for a purpose: to build one other up.
May we ever be bold and generous in our encouragement of God's children... both the old and the young.
May we be quick to remind those around us just how important and special they are.
That they are loved and valued. Overvalued.
Even when they don't deserve a sticker.
