There
have been times in my life where every breath was an act of faith.
Dark times, when I feared what the next phone call would bring. Sad
times, when I had to say goodbye to souls who anchored my life.
But
God was always there.
Even
when I didn't want what He wanted, still He was with me...
holding my hand, shaking His head at my pitiful faith, laughing at
the notion that it's all about me.
I
adore Him, this God of mine. Even when He's annoying and starts
poking his heavenly nose into my worldly business... slamming doors
that I've tried to pry open, taking me out of my comfort zone. Even
then, I love Him so.
And
Jesus loves me, too. This I know. He loves me.
Abundantly.
Everything
I know about love, God has taught me... through my family, my
parents, my brothers, my sons, my friends, my patients, even through
the homeless guy begging for money outside the post office.
But
I've learned the best love lessons of all have come from my
grandbabies.
There
is nothing like Grandbaby Love. Grandbaby Love is love on
crack.
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I
was in the middle of the Caribbean when I got a text from my oldest
son, telling me he had been accepted to missionary training school in
Mexico.
It
wasn't a huge surprise... he's been heading in this direction for
years. He was so excited to share the news that I couldn't help but
be happy for him.
Caught
up in the excitement, it took me a moment to realize my Grandbabies
would be moving to Mexico with him! Oh, Noooooooo!!!
I'm
not gonna lie, I ugly cried. I couldn't stand to think about
spending days and weeks without these precious lights of joy
and goodness running in and out of my home.
Still,
I tried to be supportive:
I
was feeling ALL the feels. Humbled by their courage.
Proud
of their faithfulness. Excited to imagine their future. Swamped by
sadness at the thought of being so far away from my babies. The only
thing I knew for sure was that all of our lives were about to change.
The
other grandmother and I briefly considered hiring a crooked lawyer
and suing for custody...
And
then, I got a text from my brother. (I don't know about you guys, but
God always speaks to me through my brothers. If you don't hear God
speaking to you through your siblings, then you're not listening. He
also speaks to me through my music boxes, but that's another story.)
Kelly wanted to share a new song with me, as he often does. The song
he shared was Trust
In You by
Lauren Daigle. This is the verse that got me good:
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings,
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen.
So, in all things be my life and breath,
I want what You want Lord and nothing less.
I
want what you want, Lord.
Boom.
Straight
to the heart.
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It
was pretty clear that God wanted my son and his family in Mexico.
I
knew the call from God hadn't happened overnight. I knew He had been
preparing my son and his wife for years.
Thinking
back, I believe Lucas began to feel God's call while attending grad
school. Though I doubt he fully understood it or could attempt to
explain it, neither could he deny it.
Ten
years ago, just to pass the time during a 45-minute commute to
school, he taught himself to speak Spanish fluently.
Soon
after graduating, Lucas opened an optometry clinic in a primarily
Hispanic neighborhood so that he would be able to utilize his
Spanish-speaking skills.
The
name he chose for his clinic...?
OJO...
Spanish for 'eye'.
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I
also thought of all the years his angel wife, Cassie, has devoted to
teaching and ministering to inner city children... the pre-dawn trips
to deliver babies during her midwifery training.
As
a team, my son and his wife have skill sets that would rival MacGyver
and Wonder Woman. Undoubtedly, God will use them in wonderful
and marvelous ways. They are extraordinarily equipped for this
journey.
But
dang it, why did they have to take my babies away???
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Last
week while in prayer and meditation, a memory popped in my head. It
was of a conversation between my grandson Matthew and I when he was
about three years old. I had asked him if he knew what he wanted to
be when he grew up. His answer astounded me...
"I'm
gonna go all over the world and collect all the little kids who don't
have a mommy or a daddy and I'm gonna build 'em an orphanage and take
care of them."
Boom. Once again.
Finally,
I got it. This is not about me. It has never been about me. Except
for the understanding that my greatest contribution to God's kingdom
may not be something I DID, but rather someone I raised. Or perhaps
even... someone THEY are raising.
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I'm
not gonna lie. It's been difficult to watch them sell or give away
almost everything they own. Literally. Just like Jesus tells us to
do in the Bible. In red letters.
I
understand having a desire to change the world, wanting to make it a
better place. I can only conclude that there are 'degrees' of World
Changers. Clearly, I am not as high on the World Changer Scale as is
my son and his wife. In fact, I would say that on a scale of 'Kim
Kardashian' to 'Mother Teresa', I'm somewhere in the 'Evita' range.
You remember Evita... she was a good woman who really loved
her shoes. Not unlike myself. We're all called in
different ways. So, don't cry for me Argentina---God isn't
making me empty out my closet. Not yet, anyway..
I
finally decided that the decisions being made by my son and his wife
were not so much an enormous life-changing gamble...
...but
the most radical act of faith I have ever witnessed..
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The
Dickman and I didn't raise our son to be a missionary. We raised him
to be obedient to God.
Extraordinary
moves of God begin with ordinary acts of obedience.
And
isn't it ironical that my God is using my son---the eye doctor---to
teach me the true meaning of walking by faith, not by sight...
teaching me to want what God wants.
Radical
Faith. Indeed.
