January 19, 2014

SIT WHERE I CAN SEE YOU...


I was a cheerleader way back in the olden days when being a cheerleader meant you shook your paper pom poms more than any other body part. I wasn't particularly qualified for the job, except for my superior vocal chords (which saved the Borger Independent School system a significant amount of money on megaphones). I had absolutely no gymnastic skills beyond landing a cartwheel. I tried. Truth is, I was born with a design flaw that prohibits me from ever being - how you say it - aerodynamically gifted. I mean, really... have you seen my butt? I jump like a ten-month old toddler. My total ground clearance is maybe three inches, max.

But then... along came the mini-trampoline. Just one bounce on that sucker and I was flying through the air like a Bulldog Ninja! Practically overnight I became a spread eagle-ing / toe-touching / pike and herkie jumping fool of a rah-rah.

Shortly after I achieved airborne mastery, my Aunt Betty Bob came from Odessa to watch me cheer. “Be sure to sit where I can see you!” I asked her, excitedly.

Unfortunately, my Aunt got to the game too late to get a front row seat in the bleachers. She ended up behind a bunch of tall, adolescent basketball players with pimples on their necks and was only able to catch intermittent glimpses of me and my red and white saddle oxfords.

Until...

We dragged out the Magic Mini-Tramp.

Suddenly my Aunt Betty Bob was was ooooohing and ahhhhhhing in utter amazement at my flying gymnastic abilities.

From her obstructed vantage point, she couldn't see the trampoline. All she saw was me flying through the air like a freaking Wallenda.

Man, was she impressed! So much so that I never felt the need to tell her the truth about my amazing power of bounce.


His senior year of high school, my boyfriend Dickie was concerned about a buddy of his who would not be able to graduate with his class unless he passed a major exam. When test day came, Dickie asked his friend, Joe, to sit close to the classroom door. “Sit where I can see you.” were his instructions. All throughout the two hour test, Dickie would periodically walk by Joe's classroom and stand in the hall just long enough for Joe to notice. Whenever Joe looked up, Dickie would give him a big ol' smile and an encouraging fist pump.

Joe passed his test and proudly took his place with the Class of '74.


Last week, we got a call from Dickie's cousin, LaDonna, telling us that her Mom had been put on a ventilator for a few days to give her lungs a rest from the acute trauma of pneumonia. We hurried over to the hospital to sit with Aunt Mattie until LaDonna and her husband could make the five hour drive to Borger.

As we sat by her bed, matching our breathing to the ventilator and praying healing prayers with each breath, Dickie got a call from one of his close friends whose Dad had just died in Hospice care. He needed Dickie to be with him at that first onslaught of grief. And he wanted Dickie to handle the funeral.

“What do I do?” Dickie asked. “I need to be two places at once!”

“You go to the one who needs you most. Go be with your friend. I will stay with Aunt Mattie. I'll sit right here where she can see me, just in case she opens her eyes.


A few days later I was rolling the lint roller over my handsome Dick in his pretty black suit. (I am an extremely thorough lint roller. Just ask him.)

“I'm gonna have to leave the funeral a bit early, so I'll find a seat in the back.” I told him as I rolled all traces of lint away.

Okay. But... please make sure you sit where I can see you. Seeing your face always helps me get through it.”

And I did. I sat in the back of the chapel and never broke eye contact with my Dickman. Anytime he looked my way, I made sure to smile or nod. I willed him strength and asked God to give him all the words he needed to comfort a grieving son.


We hoped and prayed that Aunt Mattie would recover, that her fragile, broken heart would find a supernatural strength and survive the downward physical spiral. But it was not to be.

LaDonna called her family to the hospital, knowing it was time to relieve sweet Mattie from all the tubes and lines and needles that had been running in and out of her for a week. Her battered little body had grown tired of fighting.

We gathered together in the small hospital room and circled around the bed of that pocket-sized warrior of a woman. Listening to the mechanical sounds and beeping alarms, I felt she surely must already be on her way to that Better Place.

We held hands and we prayed and told stories and sang and cried as Aunt Mattie breathed her final earthly breaths. And when it was done, there was a collective spirit of peace, knowing she was in the arms of a beautiful, blond shining angel of a granddaughter who had been waiting to greet her.

(Undoubtedly, Uncle Harold was pulling in a big 'ol catfish and would catch up with her soon.)


These are hard days for my generation. Slowly but surely... and oh so sadly, we are losing that precious layer of loved ones who stood in the gap between us and heaven. I'd like to think they will always be around, guiding us, praying over us, wondering why we aren't wearing a coat when it's so cold outside.

I know for sure I will see all those beloved faces again, someday.

Until then... I'm going to do the best I can to live my life as heroically and fearlessly as did our parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles who have gone before us.

Most of all, I'm just gonna sit down here... sit where they can see me, and try to do them proud as they sit on the front row of those shiny golden bleachers, encouraging me with fist pumps and smiles from heaven.


January 01, 2014

Bite Me, 2013. Thank You, 2014.


2013. It came in like a wrecking ball, y'all.
 

Most years I stay up until midnight to welcome in the New Year with a wet kiss from the Dickman. Last night?  I stayed up 'til midnight just to celebrate the death of the Old Year.

My “word” for 2013 was PEACE. And I must say --- amid all the chaos of broken bones and detached retinas and lacerations and surgeries and dementia and emotional shrapnel --- Jesus gave me peace.  Well, at least those times I listened to Him, he did.

The problem is, even though I'm getting much better at listening for that quiet, still voice... there are far too many times that I choose to hear the noisy gongs and clanging cymbals. So much so that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for you to perhaps, catch me driving down Coulter whilst screaming my head off and flipping the bird at fellow motorists.  (If that ever happens, please don't blame Baby Jesus.  Those are the moments that I obviously forgot to let Him take the wheeeeee-eel.)

Clearly, Jesus and I have some more work to do on that peace thing.  But I'm moving on, looking forward to a new dawn, a new day with a buttload of hope for 2014. Just the number fills me with hope.  I like even numbers, particularly the number four.  I was born on the 24th day of the 4th month. I have four fingers on each hand. (I also have opposable thumbs, but they don't count because I can't text with them.)  I am fond of my fingers. 
 
In honor of 2014, I have chosen the perfect word: GRATITUDE.
 
And why the heck not?  
 
I am the result of generations of love. I am the daughter of a King.  I am blessed beyond anything I ever imagined or deserved and I should absolutely refuse for my life  to be encumbered in any way by a lack of gratitude on my part.

Because whatever it is, good or bad... His plans for me exceed it all.
 
My worst days?  God's got a better plan. 

My very best stupendously outstanding days?  His plans exceed it all.
 
******************************************************
 
Please don't get the idea that I've not been a practicing appreciator, truly I have.   But lately I have been trying to take it to a whole 'nuther level.  I am amazed at the new perspective I've gained... stunned to find such power in gratitude.  It glorifies Him while it humbles me.  And I don't mind admitting folks,  I could use a little humbling.  
 
Living my life from a place of gratitude has already given me a different perspective.  I realize that I need to thank Him for everything...  for taking the steering wheel during busy traffic so that I can keep my hand signals to myself;  for patience with a husband who is a lousy patient; for shutting my mouth so as not to become part of the clanging and gonging and duck calling going on all around me.
 
Crazy thing about gratitude... if I am busy appreciating and glorifying, then I don't have time to be picking nits off somebody else.  

******************************************************
 
Has my life become trouble-free and serene?  Do I lounge in repose like the lady on the Calgon commercial?  Heck to the No. 
 
Being grateful doesn't make everything great; it simply helps me to appreciate what is.  Even better... gratitude strengthens my faith in what will be.

At the end of each day, I lay my head on a soft pillow of thankfulness. I close my eyes, I open my heart and these are the words that I pray:

“Sweet Jesus of mine,

thank you for this beautiful life you have given me. 

 Forgive me if I don't appreciate it enough...”


And then I go to sleep smiling, while He sings over me... telling me that everything is okay.  And that it's only going to get better.
 
******************************************************
 

Happy New Year to my friends and family. 

 

Wishes for new hope,

peace that passes understanding,

abundant love and blissful joy... 

 
 

 ...from a heart that is grateful for you.