After burying our Mamas 360 days apart, then immediately boarding a cruise ship BOTH times, the Dickman and I have decided that cruises are a great place to find solace in grief.
Think about it: A Floating Feedlot of endless buffets where you can eat your feelings away day or night. Or, if you get tired of chewing... bottomless cocktails just waiting to be served by smiling waitresses; polite stewards who pick your clothes up off the floor and turn your bed down every night (just like Mom used to do). And on those days when sadness washes over you like a wave, there is always a quiet place to stare out at the ocean and feel the Bigness of God.
*****************************************************************************************
I watched as he stared pensively through the ship window after breakfast. “How's your heart?” I asked.
“This is the closest I've come to really crying...” He replied, as tears rolled down his face. I didn't have the heart to tell him he was in fact, really crying. Instead, I began crying with him. I'm not sure how long we sat there, letting the grief of the past week – the past years – wash over us in soggy silence. He finally looked away from the ocean, blew his nose in his napkin and gave me a shaky smile as we headed back to the buffet for dessert.
Later, we docked in the Dominican Republic, where I had arranged one of my infamous island adventures – a waterfall hike and jump. Yep, you read that right: Waterfall.Jump. (Did I mention that the Dickman doesn't swim? Or that he had shoulder surgery a mere 3 months ago?? A knee replacement in April???) I assured him he would not be required to jump... he could walk around the falls or slide down on his bottom. But still, he would be hiking up the mountain and through the jungle with his shiny new titanium knee, then sliding down waterfalls into rushing water. I couldn't help but worry that this time, I might be taking things a bridge too far.
After meeting our guide, we were assured that he would keep my Dickman safe and would escort him around the falls, rather than over them.
Imagine my shock when I turned around at the first waterfall to see this...
He jumped! Dickie jumped and he slid and he splashed his way through the adventure right along with the rest of us!! I can't even tell you how proud I was of him for conquering the rushing water like a gray-headed Tarzan in an blue life vest and helmet.
But really... isn't it funny how you think you know someone intimately for basically all of your life, yet still they can surprise you?
*****************************************************************************************
A few months after Mom died, I was going through some of her things and came across one of her Bibles. Mom was always an avid Bible reader, so it was no surprise to find her Bible all marked up and well-used. The surprise was in seeing that Every.Single.Verse had been underlined. It was a tangible sign of her faithfulness, which spoke deeply to my heart...
Coincidentally (or not), a few weeks later I saw a post on FB with a challenge to read through the Bible in 60 days. I was immediately inspired! I printed out the schedule and committed myself to finally reading ALL 66 books. Every sentence. Just like my Mama.
Selfishly, what I expected to get out of the reading was a sense of 'fellowship' with my Mom, to follow in the footsteps of her marked-up Bible. I should've known God had waaaaaay bigger plans.
I fell head over heels for the Holy Spirit, y'all.
I mean, it's not like I didn't know Him. He's always been a part of me, hanging around inside of me, near the vicinity of my spleen... a nebulous spiritual force. All throughout my life, if I would shut up and listen, He would comfort me, reassure me... redirect my path. There have even been occasions when I didn't know what to pray for and He rescued me by interceding with those wordless groans Paul spoke of in Romans...
Yet, there was always the head scratcher of the Holy Spirit being all tied up with the Trinity... a concept not easily explained without a 3-D model and PowerPoint presentation. I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that I embraced the comparison of the Trinity to a Turducken. I mean, who couldn't understand such a simple concept:
But all of a sudden, instead of being a mystical entity within the innermost layer in a trio of fowls (divine concept run amok), the Holy Spirit became Somebody.
Every time I opened my Bible, it was like opening the door to my new Best Friend. I found myself being transformed daily. I'm not sure if it was the rapid reading schedule which kept the Big Picture in context or simply the receptiveness of my heart at that point in time, but Sweet Jesus... how that Book came to life for me! Scriptures I had read all my life were filled with deeper meaning. Characters I had studied in depth became even more real, all because of the Holy Spirit.
The more I became immersed in the Word, the more I became infused with the Spirit. He became my very own personal tutor, giving me insight leading to understanding and finally, revelation.
And get this --- not only was I given a deeper spiritual connection, but after the 60 days were up, my sadness and grief were gone. Conquered! Somewhere along the way of highlighting verses and searching for wisdom, peace had filled my soul and settled into the cracks of my broken heart. Just like He said it would.
...Isn't it funny how you think you know someone intimately for basically all of your life, yet still they can surprise you?
(I've just started a second 60-day reading. If you want to join me, click on the link below!)
